Long time no blog

It's been more than 3 weeks since I last blogged. Reason for my absence is coz I havent been feeling really well (emotionally) for the past 3 weeks, or rather, since I moved firms. The entire episode took a toll on me and for some days, I find myself not able to get out of bed at all, not wanting to run, not wanting to face the world. It's that bad. When I reach home, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to vegetate on the sofa and watch TV with the kids. As such, save for the chinese homework my mum did with Josh, Josh managed to escape without doing any homework for the past few weeks, until yesterday, when i finally had the mental strength to sit down with Josh and did some writing exercises with him, and sorted out his schoolwork into files.

I feel mad at myself for allowing work to take such a toll at me. I feel mad that the first people to suffer are my children, and that I actually allowed myself be so emotionally drained that I would sacrifice my children's schoolwork for work related woes.

And the woes continue. Despite having left the previous premises, the problems continue. It's as if the team accidentally stepped on shit or something and the luck and morale of the team hasn't been the same snce....April. Everyday, something blows up, something is unsettling.

I have been sending the kids to school for the past 2 weeks and its the most wonderful two weeks I have had with them. These days, even when I am back early from work, I don't feel like going out. I just wana stay in with them, and enjoy their company (although Josh always asks where am I bringing him to). Josh asks me every night when I pat him to bed, if I would be sending him to school the next day. It's like he needs to know that I am sending them to school the next morning so that he can fall asleep.

Tom's the last day of June and half a year gone by. If anything, this year is turning out to be even more tumultous than last year and I am really really tired.I used to scoff at mothers who took a back seat in their career, giving up their high powered jobs for something more settled, more family friendly. I used to think that its coz they could not make it, could not juggle the demands of motherhood and career, that they had to give it up. Now, I know I am wrong. In fact, they are the bravest ones amongst us. Who knew exactly what they wanted out of life, who are the selfless ones. It's people like me, who slog along, because we don't have the guts.

I am so so so tired. KL trp in 2 days. Just wana go home now.