RANDOM THOUGHTS...AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK

Long time no blog

2011-06-29T10:44:00.002+08:00

It's been more than 3 weeks since I last blogged. Reason for my absence is coz I havent been feeling really well (emotionally) for the past 3 weeks, or rather, since I moved firms. The entire episode took a toll on me and for some days, I find myself not able to get out of bed at all, not wanting to run, not wanting to face the world. It's that bad. When I reach home, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to vegetate on the sofa and watch TV with the kids. As such, save for the chinese homework my mum did with Josh, Josh managed to escape without doing any homework for the past few weeks, until yesterday, when i finally had the mental strength to sit down with Josh and did some writing exercises with him, and sorted out his schoolwork into files.

I feel mad at myself for allowing work to take such a toll at me. I feel mad that the first people to suffer are my children, and that I actually allowed myself be so emotionally drained that I would sacrifice my children's schoolwork for work related woes.

And the woes continue. Despite having left the previous premises, the problems continue. It's as if the team accidentally stepped on shit or something and the luck and morale of the team hasn't been the same snce....April. Everyday, something blows up, something is unsettling.

I have been sending the kids to school for the past 2 weeks and its the most wonderful two weeks I have had with them. These days, even when I am back early from work, I don't feel like going out. I just wana stay in with them, and enjoy their company (although Josh always asks where am I bringing him to). Josh asks me every night when I pat him to bed, if I would be sending him to school the next day. It's like he needs to know that I am sending them to school the next morning so that he can fall asleep.

Tom's the last day of June and half a year gone by. If anything, this year is turning out to be even more tumultous than last year and I am really really tired.I used to scoff at mothers who took a back seat in their career, giving up their high powered jobs for something more settled, more family friendly. I used to think that its coz they could not make it, could not juggle the demands of motherhood and career, that they had to give it up. Now, I know I am wrong. In fact, they are the bravest ones amongst us. Who knew exactly what they wanted out of life, who are the selfless ones. It's people like me, who slog along, because we don't have the guts.

I am so so so tired. KL trp in 2 days. Just wana go home now.

Hello...after a week.

2011-06-07T08:28:00.002+08:00

Haven't been posting much. Really nothing much to write about recently. Save for the times spent with my family, the kids, and watching movies, the rest of my week is nothing to write about, nothing that I would want to remember in time to come. The days have been exhausting. I have been watching alot of TV (once the kids slept) and watching alot of movies because I could just immerse myself in movies and forget about reality for a while. I have also been going to be very early simply because the events of the day have drained me so so much that I want to just shut off and go to bed. I went to bed at 1030pm last night, slept till 615am and woke up still feeling tired.

I have yet to see the silver lining in the clouds yet. I don't even know which cloud to look at. At present, just living day by day.

That's about it. Nothing much to say. The hubby is working late today.

Maybe I should just go for a quick run in the evening, let off some steam.

Second last day of May

2011-05-30T12:31:00.002+08:00

June is turning out to be rather exciting month, with all our weekends booked up with one activity or another for the kids and ourselves, leading up to the KL trip in the first week of July. So I am really rather looking forward to the next few weeks (save for the last week of June, which has contentious hearings EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY).

I had a great weekend. The hubby and I watched Gold Class Pirates movie at Vivocity on Friday night. It was a great date night. The weekend was a much needed break from reality, which I really needed after the rather traumatising week last week.I expect more trauma to come along in the month of June but I shant' worry too much now and to take one day at a time...until my holiday in July. It's still a long time away but I really can't wait for the day to come.

I had a great time watching Kung Fu Panda 2 over the weekend with the kids. (so many kids watching the show). But I was busy, throughout the entire movie. Josh was fine, just munching on his roller coasters and concentraitng on his movie. Emma, on the other hand, did not appreciate the concept of the movie yet. At first, she started commenting on every single thing she saw on the big screen. 'sheep!' 'bear bear!' until Josh kept turning twoards her and shushing her up. She was good. She stayed in her seat the entire time and did not cry when the lights were turned off. She was more concerned about eating the roller coasters and insisted that carrying that drink. So I spent much of the movie stretching across her and ensuring that she held the cup properly when she drank and placed in her cup holder. Then she wanted her pillow and her milk and then the roller coaster again. So I was really kept rather busy the entire movie.

But nonetheless, our first family outing to the movies. I greatly enjoyed it.:)

The thing that made me smile today...

2011-05-24T14:44:00.001+08:00

Feedback from Teacher Hannah:

Hi steph,

Emma has been eating at least half of her lunch. These few days she has been eating either all her lunch or at least 3/4 of it. Guess she has improved alot in her eating habits.

She drinks alot of water as well in school!

Emma is a very intelligent girl. She is good in her numbers and is able to recognise number 1 to 5 without 2nd thoughts. Whenever she does her individual lessons with me, I can see that she tries to recall all that she has learnt and apply it. As I had mentioned before, she was a very helpful girl and she still is now. She will always be the first to help me tidy up when I get them to do so.

It really is a pleasure to have her in class.

Regards,

Teacher Hannah

An unsettled feeling

2011-05-24T09:56:00.002+08:00

I worked late last night. Went home to a comfort food dinner of spaghetti. I made Josh revise his Chinese writing. And also read the grammar books to him. Both the kids love the series of grammar books I bought recently but Emma only wanted to read the pink books and Josh only wanted to read the blue books. Then they started fighting and that's the cue to separate the kids and send everyone to bed. I love how Josh remembered my instructions, that the pEter and jane books, together with the grammar books,are to be always placed back in order at the bookstand, so that they will not go missing. I love it how he treasures his possessions, unlike Emma, who brought the grammar book back to her bed despite my instructions (her bed is so crowded now...one blanket, one teddy bear, 3 pillow plus one big pillow) and just fling the book aside. She wanted 'so many so many' things on her bed.

I am feeling rather confused and unsettled at the myriad of changes and developments that took place for the past few days. I have a nagging feeling that something is not really right but I can't place my finger on it. But for now, I guess I can't do anything about it, just wait and see...for the next few days. At least my home, my kids, my family shield me from the unseen pressures and forces of the outside world for a few hours each night. Maybe I should start praying each night. Sometimes perhaps we all just need a little guidance from the higher entities. I have never believed in it, to be honest, and much of the time, i forget what I pray about and what I ask for. But perhaps, apart from the time when I prayed so hard to pass my law exams, it's time for me to be humble and seek some guidance on my path ahead.

almost 6 months into 2011. it really has been a rather tumultous year (whether good or bad). For someone who is so resistant to changes, I think I went through alot this year. Can I just have my boring life back?

I am feeling rather stressed

2011-05-23T09:18:00.002+08:00

We had a great Sunday evening. I finally bought Emma's dress for the wedding, one which she did not object to, and did not insist "I don't want this". THe kids played at the playground, we had an awesome dinner at Han's, where Emma ate alot of the chocolate cake and wanted a 'big big' mouthfuls.
Then I came into work rather stressed out this morning. I could not sleep after 5am and started thinking about work.
I can't wait for the weekend to come again although my work week started only 2 hours ago. We plan to bring Josh and Emma for the Kung Fu Panda movie on Sat evening and Josh was so excited that Emma would be joining him for the movie this time. previously, he always told Emma that he would bring her to the movies when she is bigger. And then Josh told he that he would want to drink cocacola and eat roller coasters.
I am looking forward to my KL trip in July because I really want some time away from work. It's been full steam since I returned to work in March. Looking at my diary in June, and the hearings that I have to clear, seem awfully scary somehow.
Oh well, one step at a time.
No point fretting.

Today's updates for Emma. From Teacher Hannah

2011-05-18T14:02:00.000+08:00

Hi Steph!

Some good news today! Emma finished her 1 serving of lunch (Rice with braised fish)! She also had apples!

Regards,

Teacher Hannah

No more public holidays for 3 months.

2011-05-17T23:36:00.004+08:00

Yest felt like a Friday and today felt like a Sunday. The hubby took the day off yesterday and brought Josh to Furama to meet me for lunch before my afternoon hearings. It was a delight having lunch with Josh in the middle of the day. The hubby then cooked a delicious meal of homecooked chinese food last night for dinner.

Didn't do much today coz the earlier part of the day was spent at lunch with the in laws. But we did have a good afternoon nap and I watched afternoon TV (which is a rare treat) and I brought the kids to suntec city and brought the kids for some craftwork at this shop, which allows the kids to do sand painting.

The kids each made a sand painting of their own. Capricorn for me and Pisces for the hubby.
Later at night, Josh asked me if I liked his colouring.

Josh so proud of his artwork.

Emma and her artwork

trying not to be blue

2011-05-16T08:16:00.002+08:00

It's Monday but tomorrow is a public holiday, so I feel abit better. But it's crazy busy today, with meetings and Court hearings. But I feel better because Amal comes back on Wednesday and I will get somewhat some respite and abit of a breather.I want to go for a holiday (with the kids or with no kids) but I don't know how because I am so busy and our weekends are so busy with the classes and all.

The hubby is not at work today. Super lucky. How come he has it so good? and can spend the whole day with the kids (or at least I hope he does).

We went to Expo last night and I bought a colouring desk set for the kids. It's Dora themed but I told Josh that Emma will share it with me. I also told him that he can only open the set this morning. So he insisted that we place the box in the middle of the living room, so that he could open it first thing in the morning. Then he woke up at 3am this morning and asked if he could play with the set now and I said no. and then he woke up at 6am this morning, and woke Emma up and everyone up, and insistd that Emma stop drinking her milk so that they could open the set together. So cute, so sweet, so adorable. I hope they don't fight over it.

I had a great time over the weekend. We brought the kids for the ducktour and Emma was so happy, she kept telling everyone who would listen, that she sat on the big duck. Josh was so worried I would drop my camera out of the duck and kept telling me to be careful and that I should place the camera on my lap.

I miss the kids so much.

Kiasu parent syndrome

2011-05-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

I lunched in alone today. Had a bad morning from an abusive client so I didn't feel like going out to eat. As I was having lunch, I was surfing the internet at Kiasu Parent Forum and started reading about primary one registrations, first day at school what to pack etc etc. I could still recall on my first few days at school, my mum accompanied me, and like all the rest of the parents, she stood outside my classroom and watched us. Then the teacher asked me to sweep the floor and I didn't know how to sleep. (Actually until now I also don't really know how to sweep the floor) Then I recalled how my mum taught me how to buy food during recess. Fried noodles at $.060 per plate. Still remember the fat auntie selling the fried noodles. and she used a pink plate. Little details of my first few days at school all coming back to me. '

I recalled how my dad would park the car, and walk me to my P1 classroom every morning. And even recalled there was one time when he scolded one of my classmates for taking my seat. Subsequently, from p2 onwards, the chauffeur sent me to school, and I fondly recall the days when feifei, haohao and I would wait for each other, buy snacks, and mess up the car seat behind. I remember the ugly flower clothe draped over the seats, to prevent us from dirtying the leather seats of the mercedes, but no use lah, coz everytime by the time we get into the car and move around, the cloth was bunched up to one side.

Such fond memories.

Anyway, I can't help but worry about Josh going to primary school, worry about him academically, worry about him coping with new friends, new enrivonment, what if he does not know how to buy food for himself, worry he may cry and cry. Worry about how early he will have to wake up in the morning, worry about who will send him to school, worry if he will have to take school bus back. So many worries.

So Jialak.

How did the weekend go by so quickly?

2011-05-09T07:45:00.002+08:00

It was just as if I stepped out of office on Friday not long ago, dragging my wreary body home. I was so drained on Friday, I didn't have the mood to talk, to go out for a movie, or anything. I just vegetated in front of the TV for a while, then went to bed, pulling the sheets over my head, and hid away from the world until I felt better the next morning.

I brought Josh to watch the Thomas movie on Sat morning. I love spending alone time with Josh. We always have such a great time at the movies. I love watching him watching intently at the movie screen, chomping down his cheese rings, and drinking soft drinks. Super bad and sinful for his body but oh so delighted to see him so happy.

It was mother's day yesterday. Josh made me a wonderful tulip from school and it made me cry. Because I was so so touched. The hubby made western food for mother's day dinner yesterday. It was so much better and enjoyable than going out for a meal, and jostling with the crowds for a table.

Anyway, yeah, I am back in office now. 3 more weeks to go (hopefully). I really can't wait. Month of May is proving to be so tough, for a whole myriad of reasons.

Anyway, I am looking forward to this weekend. We are bringing the kids on the ducktour on Sat evening!

Tired tired tired

2011-05-05T08:27:00.002+08:00

I went home rather late and didn't managed to get Josh to do his homework and also I was very tired. But I enjoyed cuddling up to him, sitting in front of the TV and watching Handy Manny. Whilst I was patting him to bed, he told me about his day yesterday, how the bicycle was fixed by my parents, and how he got woken up from the afternon nap yesterday by the thunder. He asked if the thunder could get indoors. He asked if the thunder was in the living room. I told him that the thunder was outdoors and in any event, will not harm him and I would be there to protect him. He gave me a toothy grin. :) assured that he would not be harmed by the thunder. I love it when he tells me about his day, his thoughts, in his own way. I love to see his look of concentration as he tries to think about how to express his thoughts. He seldom does this. MOst of the daytime, he is screaming at his sister or talking rubbish. It is only at night when I pat him to bed that he articulates his innermost thoughts.

Spent most of yesterday doing admin work coz today am in Court and will be preparing for the mega hearing tomorrow morning. Somehow, all my Fridays are now taken up by mega hearings, for some reason. I hate periods of transition. I am not a big fan of change, to be honest. Somemore, we are seriously down on manpower. Not only 1 is down, but 3 others are down. It's SERIOUSLY big time bad timing.

It's Mother's Day this weekend. The hubby wanted to bring me out for a steak dinner but I have not decided where I wanted to go to. ANyway, its mother's day and I want to spend time with the kids. So I told him I want a homecooked breakfast on Sunday morning, but it will have to be early coz I have to bring Josh for his reading class at 1030am. I told him that last week. Not sure if he will remember. Haha.

Updates from Emma's teacher

2011-05-03T13:46:00.001+08:00

Emma was rather focused and responsive during our math lesson today! I introduced the numeral 5 and at the same time recapped on the previous numerals (1,2,3,4) She confidently recognised all the numerals! Great!

Just for your info on how she is settling in without Josh in the class. She has been doing well except for arrival when coming into the class at 9am, she would cry a little but she´s easily coaxed and comforted. and during dismissal after lunch, Sometimes she would ask for "kor kor"(Josh) but then again, I will distract her and she is easily comforted.

Today she had a lunch of Noodles with chicken and carrots in gravy. She had 1 bowl and some apples.

Price of not doing work over the weekend

2011-05-03T12:10:00.001+08:00

mad house on Monday morning.

Almost losing my sanity.

One more hearing to go.

2011-04-28T19:34:00.001+08:00

Jia You Steph

Nightmare just started

2011-04-28T08:00:00.003+08:00

I could not sleep after 5 am. I don't want to think about it.

Just want to get through the two contested hearings for the next 48 hours or so, then hide away from the world for 3 days, and then come back and deal with the mess/shit come Tuesday.

May is going to be a hard hard month. Gimme strength.

3 days to Friday

2011-04-27T07:42:00.004+08:00

Last night, I slacked and allowed Josh to watch Mickey mouse TV instead of practising the piano and practising his writing.

Will have to do that tonight.

Has it been 8 weeks since I came back to work?

Feeling rather emotional this morning....Not sure why.

Maybe its coz of the stress of having one contesed hearing everyday of the week until the end of the week. Maybe I am just being overwhelmed and apprehensive of the changes that are to come...and everyone knows I don't cope well with changes.

4 more days

2011-04-26T07:58:00.000+08:00

Enuff said.

At least I managed to get Josh to practise his piano and do abit of writing last night.

To take heed

2011-04-25T15:04:00.002+08:00

Lunched in alone today and came across an article in the Kiasu Parent website. And took this off the internet:-

Be thankful for what you have...

Be creative. Be innovative.

Think differently and positively.

When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.

Face your past without regret.

Handle your present with confidence.

Prepare for the future without fear.

Keep the faith and drop the fear. The most beautiful way to start your day, is to have someone smile at you... And it's even more beautiful to know that you are the reason behind it!!!

Enjoy your week with a heart of gratitude...

Having faith is not about everything turning out OK...

Having faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out.

How apt. How appropriate, especially in coping with the mega hearing on Friday.

"great" news

2011-04-25T10:41:00.003+08:00

That mega hearing I was talking about earlier?boss is making me do it alone, and basically leaving me to die alone on Friday morning.
Doomsday.
How fantastic.

Great long weekend break

2011-04-25T08:04:00.003+08:00

I am in one of those moods again. The kind of moods where I am suddenly thrown into doubt as to what I am doing.

Josh is due to registry for primary one next year and due to enrol in 2013. As the date approaches, i get nervous and stressed about getting him ready for primary one. I am glad we have a school set for Josh and I won't have to worry myself about voluntaring at the schools to get a spot for Josh. So many of the parents are registering for volunteer work now and hearing them talk about the horros and short listing and such, I am just glad I need not do it.

As I was waiting for Josh during his reading class yesterday,I spent 40 minutes at Popular bookstore purchasing some assessment books for Josh. I plan to instil some discipline/schedule for Josh and plan to go through one subject each day. The only thing is, where got time?! I can hardly fit in a 15 minutes piano practice session each night. Where got time to fit in the academic subjects. Thinking about it got me very upset last night, and I felt, at once, how stressful it would be next time, when Josh goes to school, for both me and him. I want him to have a good and happy childhood but the system does not allow us or the kids to have such.

Then I think, I go home at around 8pm every night, and by the time I am done with dinner, it's almost 9pm. Where got time??!!!! If I have a job that ends at 530pm, then at least I will have an hour or so to supervise him in these subjects. Even 45 minutes is good enough. Last night I had abit of time and had to literally sit on my hands not to make Josh do his reading class homework, because the kids were having so much fun playing and I did not want to damper their spirits.

all things being said, I had a good weekend. For some reason, I started off the weekend really tired and slept before 11pm on both THursday and Friday nights. It was only after my Sat afternoon nap that I felt relatively better and the hubby and I ventured out for a movie on Sat night, watching 'Limitless'. We sent JOsh for his first swimming class on Sat morning and it was a success. I was so so so proud of him, watching him listen to the coach for instructions and carrying them out obediently. That's one thing I needn't worry about Josh, at least. He ALWAYS listens to the teacher.

It's another long weekend this weekend but I have to get through the tough week ahead, culminating in a damn stressful court hearing on Friday morning. So until that Fri morning hearing is done, I cannot relax.

May is going to be tumultous month, for various reasons I don't even want to think about. I will get through the May day weekend and think about coping with the impossible after this coming weekend. No reading class and music class weekend so hopefully, we can finally make it to science centre this Sunday.

so dissappointing

2011-04-20T08:16:00.001+08:00

I got the kids to promise me that they would sing a birthday song for Popo yesterday. Then when I called my mum, both the kids refused to sing. Emma sat in her dolly stroller and refused to move her ass. And Josh eventually sang a very teary and tortured sounding birthday song for the grandma. Sighz.

Something that brought a smile to my face

2011-04-18T13:59:00.002+08:00

Email update from Emma's teacher on her progress in school today

Hi Steph,

Here is some good news on Emma today! In the beginning as she entered the class, she was crying on and off and was clingy to the caregiver and myself. Ater about and hour and a half, I noticed that she stopped crying and was on her own (not clinging on to anybody) She participated in lessons today and was even giggling away as we sang some phonics rhyme! She followed the rest of the children and did her montessori mat work without any fuss as well.
I was also very pleased that she finished a bowl of porridge on her own today and as I praised her for the good behaviour, she cheered as well!

Looks like she will settle in soon, we just got to give her some time!

Regards,
Teacher Hannah

yay. 4 day week ahead. I am so so glad

2011-04-17T23:10:00.012+08:00

Another weekend gone. This one was really packed to the brim. Sat evening: dinner at Hans, and I realized how Emma really loves chocolate mousse. Then the hubby brought Josh to watch Rio...whilst Emma and I did some girly shopping ourselves. She would give her opinion and tell me if something i picked was 'not nice'.

Emma got angry at the malay boy beside her coz he squeezed into the driver's seat beside her. So she scolded him and called him to 'stop it'.

Finally, the weather held up and we managed to go to the reservoir for some cycling.

OK. short post. i am so so tired. have so much work to do but am so so tired.

nites everyone.

Another movie tomorrow!

2011-04-15T08:44:00.002+08:00

The hubby intends to bring Josh to watch the cartoon movie Rio tomorrow evening. Tickets have been booked at Marina Square GV! Hope the big boy and the small boy enjoy the movie. Meanwhile, the big girl (me) and the small girl (meimei), will be spending some exclusive time with each other, playing around Marina Square.

Another movie date

2011-04-14T07:41:00.002+08:00

I had been keen to bring Josh to watch the Thomas the train movie at Cathay Cineleisure this weekend. Then yester morning, once the bookings for the movie opened, I asked the hubby to book for the movie. To our horror, the seats for this wkend, the wkend after, and after and after are all booked up! (coz the show is only shown on Sat and Sun, anyway, I can only bring Josh to watch on a wkend.) How early did these people book for the seats? Anyway, I finally got seats for the movie on 7 May. So Josh and I now have another movie outing!

Am I too harsh?

2011-04-12T08:29:00.003+08:00

I went home at 830pm, ate dinner, then coz Josh took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon, I figured he could practise some piano. So we did. And he did really well. He concentrated hard at his task, and focused on getting it right. Then he made one mistake. over and over. He could not get that right. And I raised my voice abit. He cried. Then I felt bad. So I decided to leave that piece alone. We can revisit that piece again another day (which is tonight). So I went back to the piece where he could play well and rebuilt his confidence again. It's only piano now. I dread to think what kind of parent I would be like when it comes to proper schoolwork when he goes to primary one next time. Am I too harsh on him? I don't want to push him too hard. but at the same time, I know he can do it, if he wants to and I want to instil some form of discipline for him. That when mummy says its time to do work/practise piano, you do it, no negotiations. TV is off, and we concentrate for that 15-20 min or so, after that he can continue to watch his TV/play his games. Of course I don't want him to associate me with hard work only. But I think its inevitable. Coz he's going to primary school in 2013 (less than 2 years' time) and I need to implement some form of system at home. I have friends who buy assessment books for their kids at age 5, to teach them maths/english etc. I have not done so. Not because I don't want to but because I don't have the time. He goes to school in the day, practises the piano at night, attends two classes on Sunday (only Saturday is free and I am even thinking of getting him to go for swiming lessons on Sat mornings. Still in the process of looking for a teacher). Am I turning into the type of alpha mama that I absolutely detests and abhore?

Feeling homesick

2011-04-11T09:28:00.002+08:00

I slept at 130am last night, after staying up to do work for 3 hours after I put Josh to bed. May coz I am tired, maybe coz I am stressed. For some reason, i miss my parents immensely this morning.

Airport T3, Bee and Polliwogs in one Saturday

2011-04-09T22:20:00.010+08:00

Airport T3 in the morning....

Bee Li's party in the afternoon....

And then polliwogs in the evening.

Needless to say, the kids are all tired out and asleep by 930pm.

Glad for the week to end

2011-04-08T08:09:00.002+08:00

It has been a really brutal and rough week, although I had tried to maintain a positive outlook throughout. Everynight, tired as I may be, I cheer up once I reach home. I put all my worries about work aside and just enjoy the company of the children, their laughter, their fights, their bawling.

But I am glad the week has come to an end. Doesn't mean that I dont need to do work this weekend. I have in fact, already packed some of the files, ready to be brought home to do over the weekend. 2 more working days until the new girl comes in. Finally, 12 April is almost upon us. which meant I have been back at work for 6 weeks already since February. How time flies. Sometimes, I do think about the times in February, where I spent the entire morning watching sex and the city episodes on TV, reading my novel by coffee club by the beach, going down and meeting the hubby for lunch. Oh well, that's just not the life I am meant to have, not permanently anyway.

Been an extremely traumatic week earlier this week. So I just want to go home on time today and rest. 10 more hours to go. Last lap. Couple of meetings today (as usual. That's what we do on Fridays. No Court so cramp all the meetings on Friday.) and I am out of the office.

My parents are going home today. I am abit sad that I am not able to celebrate mummy's birthday with her, coz its unlikely they will be out in Singapore before her bd. That's why I am also abit sappy today.

but we have got good plans for the weekend. We have got Bee Li's baby shower tomorrow afternoon and I am looking forward to them.

Looking forward to spending more time with Emma too. I don't think she likes me alot. She always says "I don't want mummy" when I try to hug her. Its like the only time she wants me is when the maid is not around and my mum is not around. In fact, I think she even prefers my dad to me. Oh well. That's the price I paid for spending 12 hours a day at work. I guess. Oh well. Can't do much about it. At least her school fees get paid.

I am so tired

2011-04-05T08:13:00.001+08:00

I haven't sufficiently rested and I have got a damn fucking heavy week ahead.

Happy Birthday Gong Gong

2011-04-03T22:43:00.005+08:00

We celebrated my dad's birthday this weekend, which falls on tomorrow. Dad didn't want a bd cake but Josh kept asking and asking about singing a birthday song for daddy so in the end, dad relented and we went to get a small cake for daddy from prima deli. Anything his grandkids ask for, he says yes. :) We also got a card for my dad. Earlier in the week, I made Josh write the card for the Gong Gong..I should take a pic of the that card. Josh helping to place the candles on the cake Josh happily singing the bd song for Gonggong

Going into the second quarter of 2011

2011-04-02T22:21:00.002+08:00

So we are now into April already. I remembered last year, things at work took a turn for the mighty worse from April onwards. I remembered I had a good public holiday long weekend where I attended Shylene's wedding and then the next thing I knew, I returned to work on Monday and work just rained on me for the rest of 2010. But hopefully things are better this year. Well, at least 12 more days and the new girl will be joining me. I had a gd weekend so far. I went shopping at MBS last night. I haven't stepped into MBS since 2011 so it was great to go back and treated myself to a chanel and a TIffany locket. I started off with a great run around the reservoir in the drizzle (and got scolded by my mother. heh) and then a facial at SK2 where I slept at the log. Did abit of work and brought the kids out for dinner and Josh to the movie Hop. I love it how Josh wants to be in charge of his own ticket, to look for his own seat in the cinema. I love it how his face brightens up when I bought the roller coaster crackers for him to munch on during the movie. Reminds me of the times when my mum brought me for a cartoon movie at Cathay when I was younger and mum would buy the Jack and Jill BBQ potato chips for me. I can't wait for Emma to grow up so I can bring both of them to the movies. Anyway, here I am, doing work again. I guess I just have to learn to pace myself abit on work. Just have to accept that I will have to do abit of work during the weekend. At least its easier when my parents are around and I can do my work in peace. So anyway, Sat's almost gone and its reading class and music class again tomorrow.

Feeling better

2011-03-29T12:07:00.002+08:00

Was so tired last night I crashed out at 930pm. and slept all the way till 6am. The headache/migraine is gone.

Josh seems to be taking things to the extreme. He either holds it in and does not shit for 7 days straight and pees less or he pees all the time, everywhere, anywhere, and even shits in his sleep. Sigh. Problem still not solved. He has the control. but its whether he wants to control or not.

It's only Tuesday but I am already looking forward to the weekend. The cartoon movie "hop" is out and I want to bring Josh to watch that movie. and then there's the John Little expo warehouse sale and I have facial also. Then there's the music class, the reading class.

I miss the kids.

I am so tired

2011-03-28T08:07:00.004+08:00

I did work till past midnight last night. And then Josh wet his bed at 2plus and began coughing and coughing and wanted me to pat him. He didn't fall asleep until about 4am. And then at 6am, he coughed again, and then asked to sleep in my bed. I think he wet himself again, I am not sure, But i was too tired to care. I really really really miss the kids today. I was really really happy over the weekend.

Emma turns 2!

2011-03-27T23:07:00.017+08:00

Emma turns two today. I had grand plans of bringing the kids to the night safari or the duck tours. but we did none of that coz all of us fell sick last week and I decided to play it by ear. Notwithstanding, we had a wonderful weekend celebrating Emma's birthday. I watched the Lincoln lawyer on Friday, which was really one of the better movies I have watched since King's speech.

On sat, we brought Emma to school again, and this time, she did us proud! by staying in with the teacher without us being around for more than 30 minutes. Hopefully, she will do gd in school. She's starting school this Friday, ie. 1 April. We collected Emma's birthday cake on Saturday evening, and then brought the kids to the marina barrage, and then swensons for ice cream and dinner. The hubby and I also managed to squeeze for some drinks with friends and pool at dempsey on Sat night.

Then on Sun, we had Josh's reading class, where he pooped his pants...poor boy...and then music class, for Josh's music concert! The popo and the meimei also came to give support. Josh played hot cross buns..and I was so so so proud of him when he finished it, plus the raptuous applause from all the parents in the class made us so so happy. He was on the verge of crying, and told me that he didn't want the people in the class clapping for him but I was really really glad he went through with it. It was a v gd experience for both Josh and I. We rounded off the weekend with a v good and relaxing dinner with my parents. Both kids brought their balloons along. Yes, Josh got a balloon too even though it was not his birthday because he cried when he saw Emma having the balloon and also to reward him for his good performance in the concert today.

Anyway, yes, the above activities but runs on both days. Plus I did work for a couple of hours today. That's how my weekend went.

So busy hor?? pictures from the weekend...

The daddy cutting Emma's fingernails.. . Then the toenails... Marina barrage

Emma's Dora birthday cake

We had wanted to sing the birthday song in the afternoon but Josh was so excited about the cake and kept bugging us that we did it first thing in the morning at 8am.

Josh's concert

Individual performances: Josh playing hot cross buns with Ms Ai playing the accompaniment

The kids and their balloons.

So there you go. Our little family of four. It has been two years...many many more to go.

I am so happy.

COld and miserable morning

2011-03-22T07:43:00.003+08:00

Yesterday would have been one day that would have made me quit practise altogether, IF I had a choice. But I don't. So I am back at work today, on this cold, wet miserable morning. So much like London weather.

Thank gdness, Josh's fever has gone down now. But everytime he's ill, he gets super sticky to me. Through the night, he asked me 3 times to sleep with me on the bed until I finally relented and warned him that it was only for one night. Then he asked me to pat him back to sleep. But he was really good and woke up and asked to go to the toilet and hasn't wet the bed for a few nights now.

I was so goddamn tired yesterday and slept at 945pm. But I managed to play with the kids. Emma likes to play with beibei and loves to boss beibei around and order her to colour with her. It's so cute. She's just like me, when I was younger, how I love to play with beibei. Beibei's almsot 20 years old now. I also managed to practise the piano with Josh (he was such a good good boy) and read some books from the Clifford the dog series to him and Emma both. It was so nice to snuggle in bed with the children, huddle under the duvet, and read together.

Maybe its the stress. I am rather short-fused today. Saw a couple of emails from another mad client who imposes her own deadlines and I am like wtf. Can you just go to hell.

Emma turns 2 this Sunday. To be frank, save for a cake and a balloon which we intend to collect on Sat, I have nothing planned for her and I feel really really awful and bad.

Still feverish

2011-03-21T08:29:00.003+08:00

Josh is still not well. I hardly slept last night. He hardly slept last night. Fidgeting all night. Then he asked to sleep in my bed with me because he wanted a cuddle.

My eyes are puffy from the lack of sleep. Waking up to touch his forehead, waking him up to pee, waking him up to eat medicine.

I hope he gets better soon. I hope it's not HFMD. I hope its just some viral bug that goes away soon.

I wish I could tell my boss my son is ill and I need time off. But I can't. But I am doing what I can. I sent an email to my secy, cc my boss, saying that I need to go off ONTIME and to cancel my meeting because I need to go home to my son.

Hope Josh gets better soon

2011-03-20T23:30:00.012+08:00

No reading class this morning, only music class in the afternoon, but we spent the morning, going to the temple at ToaPayoh, paying our respects to hubby's late grandmother. They renovated the temple, so the grounds were rather lovely and the kids had a good time playikng around the little pavilions.

The pouch that Emma is wearing is one of the birthday gifts from Sophia. She got a whole box of Dora stuffs for Emma's birthday present.

We managed to get out of the lunch with the in laws (luckily!) and had a lovely lunch by ourselves at Parkway.

Emma was so cheeky today!

And then its an ice cream for the kids after lunch. Josh studying the ice cream menu.

in laws tried getting me to skip the music class this afternoon so that we could go for lunch with them. To be honest, I was rather miffed at them putting me in a difficult spot. Hint so strong already still cannot get it. If I thought I wanted to let Josh skip the music class, I would have said so long ago. If I didn't say so, it means I don't want Josh to skip the music class and you should not put me in a spot.

So anyway, the better half of the day was v good. We went home, had a nap, then Josh woke up with a fever. Poor boy. I made him comfortable on the couch, put on a DVD cartoon, toweled him down. We even bought pizza home for dinner and he had a bit. But he slept early. I hope he gets better tomorrow. I am so worried for him.

Its midnight, I should go to bed. Have a huge appeal tomorrow in the High Court first thing in the morning. I can't believe the weekend is over.

Perfect Saturday afternoon

2011-03-19T22:42:00.011+08:00

The popular expo sale was boooooring. So we went for an hour and came home. It rained whilst the kids took their naps so it was really nice. I slept abit, then did abit of work before we headed for our playdate with Sophia and Yunzhen at polliwogs.

Emma, having just woken up from her nap, placed my robe over herself and prevented everyone else from sitting on the sofa with her.

Yunzhen's baby claire. What a cutie! Looks exactly like Zhen!

Everyone wanted to have a go at carrying the lil baby!

Even Emma, who kept carressing the baby.

When Zhen and Sophia and I were in JC, we met up for coffee at coffee bean on weekends, then slept over at each other's house sometimes. Then we started dating and then we would go out double dating.

And then we got married and there was a lull because everyone just spent time with their respecitve husbands.

And now, as 30 year-old parents, we meet at family friendly places/kids' playgrounds and have playdates together. Dinner together was no longer a 4 people or 6 people affair (depending on whether there are 2 or 3 couples) but a long table, including baby chairs, wipes, maids and occasional shoutings at the kids 'stop doing this!'

We have grown up. Haha.

It had been a great Saturday.

Finally, 15 March.

2011-03-15T08:36:00.002+08:00

It's been an awful month and it only got worse.

I am spending so much time doing work I don't even know what I am doing anymore. My day is divided into 3 parts: 14 hours at work; 2-3 hours with the children; 6-7 hours for sleep.

It's so warped.

The search is on. in full force.

Naturally, when the hubby tells me that he will be in Amsterdam for one fucking week for his stupid physio congress,I snapped.

Naturally, when he had the audacity whether I would want to take leave to accompany him on the trip, I snapped further.

It's not his fault. Most wives do take leave to accompany their husband. That's how it works normally.

But I am no longer in a normal world.

I kept Emma up till 1045pm last night, reading to her. The book that I purchased for $5 at the Borders Expo sale.

Great great wkend with the kids. Too Short.

2011-03-13T22:46:00.011+08:00

It was a flurry of activities. School with Emma, Downtown East, Waterplay and dinner at vivocity, football night and snacks, Sun: Reading class, breakfast and newspapers whilst waiting for Josh to end class, Josh's music class, Riding at the reservoir, Dinner at Bedok point. It really went by too quickly. I am not ready to face the world again tomorrow. Last week had been traumatic. One week down. 15 more to go...until Bee comes back end of June. I need some miracle drug for me to get through the next 15 weeks.

We went to vivocity on Sat and bought Josh his new bicycle. Thankfully we managed to get it delivered by Sunday morning. Josh finally got to try on his new bicycle at the reservoir on Sunday evening. As he was cycling towards the reservoir, he told me he was so happy I bought it for him.

Both the kids were fascinated by the catfish the malay caught and left on the ground...

So cute, the pair of siblings looking so pensive.

I haven't gone down to orchard for more than a month now, nor have I done any serious shopping for myself since...very very long. and the surprising thing is, I don't seem to have missed it much. In fact, for the past few weeks, all I want to do on weekends is just to spend time with the kids, and hang around the vicinity of bedok. eating dinner/lunch at bedok point, bedok centre, around our home...maybe I am just tired. Maybe coz I haven't been home alot during the week and I just want to be near home during the weekends.

I managed to read my newspapers today whislt waiting for Josh during his reading class, managed to take a short afternoon nap yesterday, read abit of my novel, watched an episode of glee. It's alot over the weekend. My friend Jiaming said that we are like the kids' chauffeur like that, sending the kids here and there, for this class, that class. But that's how parents in Singapore are like, especially working parents, who can only squeeze everything into a weekend.

Really very tired

2011-03-10T10:18:00.002+08:00

my brain is working at 30% capacity and I keep ywaning this morning, despite having slept at 11pm last night.
I even walk slower today.
I need to take things abit slower today.

Worst part/Best part of yesterday

2011-03-08T07:38:00.002+08:00

Worst part of my day took place between 5pm and 7pm. The details of which I cannot even bear to repeat.

Best of my day: 9pm to 11pm. I played with the kids (tho both of them kept crying for some reason). I practised piano with Josh and read 5 books of the Clifford dog series to him before he went to bed. For some reason, Emma ignored me.

Plodding on

2011-03-07T08:06:00.002+08:00

I had an immensely enjoyable weekend. We didn't do much. I didn't even venture into town. I slept by 1130pm on Fri and Sat night and didn't even watch any movies with the hubby. I was just so tired from work, even though it had been just 4 days.

Instead, I did some work on Sat morning, and spent the entire weekend with the kids. We brought Emma to school on Sat morning, had lunch at Bedok point, brought the kids for a swim, and had dinner at Bedok central. Then on Sunday, we brought Josh for his phonics class and music class. Emma came along. And in the evening, we went for a breezy ride at bedok reservoir. I like it how Josh is finally eating independently on his own. I like how his appetite has grown. I like how Josh and Emma can come up with the funniest comments unintetionally and make me burst out into laughter. So I had alot of time with both the kids and felt really really good. As Emma grows bigger, she's alot easier to handle I find myself venturing out with two kids without the maid.

I just want to be home with the kids now. I miss them so much.

We started Josh on his phonics reading class yesterday. It's a class where the parents cannot go in and sit with the kids. So I was really apprehensive about Josh starting a class in the new environment on his own. I sat out there for 30 minutes, waiting for Josh, just in case he cries fo me. When he didn't, I was rather pleasantly surprised and left the place. I came back 1 hour later to fetch him when the class ended and nothing makes me happier than seeing Josh come out of class, lugging his bag, with a bright smile on his face. Teacher Paul has done wonders...whatever that may be. My boy is growing up! And it appears he does not need mummy around all the time.

Another troublesome application this morning. No appetite to eat.

5 days to the weekend. 3 weeks to Emma's 2nd birthday. 6 weeks to the new girl coming in.

I just have to hang in there.

For now, small steps. I will just look forward to the end of the day where I can see the kids.

Finally its Friday

2011-03-04T08:26:00.002+08:00

But. it's gona be a tough day ahead.

Got a sms from boss at 12midnight to go to court today.

Two mega meetings in the afternoon.

Bringing trolleybag of work back home to do tonight.

don't feel like going out after dinner this evening.

I don't think I am back in the groove yet. Don't think I have gotten my momentum back. I have been struggling to wake up in the morning and have been snoozing my alarm clock. I HARDLY ever snooze my alarm clock.

mixed feelings

2011-03-03T13:54:00.002+08:00

I won an application this morning but I did not feel good. Because I succeeded, my opposing party, who was a mother acting in person, lost. Her application had nothing to do with money, but was entirely premised on her concern for the interest of the child (who incidentally, was around the same age as josh). I could understand and empathise where she was coming from, given that I am a mother myself. I would have done the same, if I were her. I would probably have resorted to even more drastic actions. But I am bound by duty, bound by instructions.

I felt bad for the mother. I hope karma doesn't come and bite me in the arse.

It's March already

2011-03-02T07:23:00.003+08:00

28 days ago, I started my 1 month break, beginning on CNY eve.

I returned to work yesterday, after the one month hiatus and tried not to swear at every instance.

Yesterday, when I left for work, both the kids were still sleeping (part of the holiday syndrome I guess since both the kids slept late during February). Today, both the kids are awake when I left for work. I miss them so so much, despite having kept them up late last night till about 10pm.

I have to remind myself: work is just work after all. No big deal. I cannot let it consume my life.

But I constantly forget.

I miss the kids.

weekday evening @ Sentosa

2011-02-22T22:07:00.011+08:00

Beautiful sunset @ Sentosa. It's such an indulgence just sitting there, watching the ships go by, enjoying the breeze, and forgetting about the time.

The best part of the trip? Josh telling me that he's very happy going to SEntosa today. :)

Sweetness

2011-02-22T10:21:00.004+08:00

Brought the kids to the airport yesterday evening before I extracted my wisdom tooth. Just takng the train, playing at the playgound, watching the planes from the viewing gallery, the kids are so happy. Then we went for a quick meal at XinWang cafe coz Josh was hungry and I just had to capture the shots of Josh feeding Emma soup. I love the way he cup his other hand beneath the spoon to prevent the soup from spilling onto her dora tshirt.

Happy 32nd birthday Lao Gong!!!

2011-02-20T22:55:00.013+08:00

Josh and his new school bag :)

2011-02-15T22:47:00.001+08:00

I love him so so so so much. Him and Emma have brought so much joy into my life. I never knew I was capable of giving so much love.

Happy Vday everyone

2011-02-14T09:51:00.007+08:00

So it's back to Monday again. We had a hectic Sunday yesterday, beach outing, bai nian at Mr Shue's house, and then dinner with the in laws and ba nian with the rest of their cousins.

Some pictures over the weekend:

A rare moment where both kids could play the Ipad together peacefully. But it rarely lasts long. Haha.

Annual gathering at Mr Shue's house. Alot less people this year tho'...

Kids munching away on CNY goodies at Mr Shue's house

Vday present from my hubby!

Went for a short run this morning coz was too tired from yesterday's activities to do a long run. Two more weeks before I return to work. Met with my primary school classmates yesterday and its amazing how we have all grown up and moved on, 18 years after we left primary school. What struck me is that many of my friends (and those whom I met recently during this FEbruary break) is that many of them, now 30, managed to attain a kind of balance in life: job and family/hubby. Where they made a conscious effort to achieve some form of work life balance. For some reason, I feel I have yet to attain that kind of balance. or rather, find something that allows me to have that kind of balance. On papers, it appears I have everything: family, kids, a good career. But I guess no one can truly understand the anguish I go through everyday to try (pathetically) to juggle all the various aspects of my life, which is essnetially, and predominantly, taken up by my job. It seems that I have fewer and fewer friends who hold high powered jobs and juggle kids and family at the same time (in fact, I think only christina is left. So I still look towards her for inspiration). Do hope to find something ( in future), the kind of balance that several of my friends seem to have found and achieved. I believe it is somewhere out there for me.

Ok! Enuff about this shit. HUbby knocks off work early today and we are going for a Vday movie date this evening! Sorry kids. Supposed to bring you to polliwogs. But let's do it tomorrow ok??? ;)

End of week 1

2011-02-11T10:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, my car air con broke down (again!) and I sent the car to the workshop, threw $900 bucks down the drain and stayed at home the whole day, watching Sex and the CIty, reading my novel, surfing and chatting online. Finally, I got my car back at 6pm and managed to make my 730pm dinner at Demsey.

This morning, I finally managed to bring Emma to Macdonalds at East Coast for breakfast. I think she was very happy to have me to herself. She ate alot of hashbrowns, drank alot of orange juice and swayed from side to side to the music. She smiled so much, which was rare, which was why I thought she was really happy. Then there were alot of VJC students at macs, coz I think they were there after a group beach outing (must be one of those mass running thingy that VJ is so fond of) and suddenly, whilst Emma and I were watching the JC kids quietly, I realized that JC days are already something that happened 13 years ago.

I still miss my JC days. They were really one of my happiest (which unfortunately, concided with my parents' most anguished days because they didn't know how to handle the rebellious me). And then I realized that in just 15 years, Emma could be one of these JC kids as well (hopefully, she better get into a JC)

ANyway, Josh brought this home from shcool the other day. He made that CNY stick himself :)

Then KM came over and we had Lo Hei supper at home. We had no big plate and so we did it in a wok. :)

Speaking of last night, on my way to dinner last night, the car gave me problems again (really, cars of 5 years are a useless piece of shit. everything just goes haywire). The engine light came on for a while and the car rolled for a while. Fortunately, I managed to roll to the side of the road, and after 2 minutes, restarted the car and it seemed fine...till now. But coz I was apprehensive about driving the car back after dinner (afraid that it would break down again), I asked the hubs to come down to dempsey to be with me on my way home and he gave a 1001 excuses not to come down. In the end, I had to turn to HIS best friend for help instead, who offered to come down immediatel, no questions asked. I was really dissappointed. ALl I wanted was to have someone with me. I didnt think i needed to justify that. And of course the first person I would turn to would be the hubs, but it appeared that he should be the last person I should turn to.

Negative thoughts aside, this car episode was an eye opener. My dad has always helped me with these car problems. So despite having driven for almost 10 years, this time was the first time I stepped into a workshop for car repairs. It was kinda daunting. First time mah. But it was also v consoling that I had several friends who gave me advice on which carworkshop to go to, Peter who offered me his car for the day, and Jiaming who offered to take a taxi down to dempsey because I asked him to. Anyway, guys, thanks :) It was really much appreciated.

Hope the car stays good today. Plans to meet Zhen for lunch later and then bringing Josh for his reading assessment later this evening.

loong time never post

2011-02-09T08:36:00.012+08:00

Finally, had the time to post. It's been hectic two weeks, but in a good way. I was down with another bout of gastric flu just before the CNY holidays but managed to recover in time thankfully. and then its was a wonderful CNY hols in KL for 5 days (although the coach journey back took 10 hours and it was really really horrendous)

anyway, the CNY photos are on facebook but thought I would just post some here...

I am on a break for a month. It's day 3 so far, I went to the spa and lazed there the whole day on Monday, ran errands the whole of yesterday, brought the kids to the beach, to polliwogs etc. I ran every mornng around the reservoir, took time to sit by the reservoir and just breathe in the fresh morning air, watch the sun rise. I fed Josh breakfast every morning, brought him to school each day. It makes me so happy to see his face light up everytime he realizes I was going to bring him to school. I showered him, got him ready into his uniform and felt like a real proper mummy :)

I caught up with Jenn, a very old old friend for more than 13 years. It amazing how I haven't seen her since June 2009 but we talk as if time has never passed. We talked about how we used to call each other (London-melbourne) and talk about our relationships problems when we were in university. Its amazing how far we have moved along since our JC days, when I first got to know her.

Anyway, the hubby is on half day leave today and I plan to meet him for lunch at Lawry's, as an early birthday lunch for him.

I have to remind myself to take things slow, and not pack it with so many activities.

Late night post...whilst watching the Victora Secrets Fashion Show

2011-01-26T22:49:00.005+08:00

Night Safari trip last Saturday...=)

Put up CNY decors at home.

Emma was fascinated by the rabbit pictures. =)

For the first time since the beginning of the year, I lost my cool and was overwhelmed. I was irritated by the taxi driver who asked me about divorce proceedures. I was irritated by the other taxi driver who claimed that I pronounced 'Family Court' wrongly and so he didn't understand what I was saying and then I had to repeat TWICE that it was ok to drop me off at the entrance of the Family Court. I insulted and scolded an aunty who scolded me for having splashed water at her whilst driving. (Oh please). Its lucky she lives on the 5th storey, so there was only so much insult I could dose on her before she reached 5th level. I could have done much worse damage to her if she lives on the 12th level and I had more time to insult her. Also, I didn't want to overdo it coz I don't want her scratching my car. I pity those old people who grow old and die bitter and lonely.

So yeah, despite my resolution to be zen and keep it cool this year, I lost my cool, scolded quite abit of vulgarities throughout the day.

But I feel better now. I had a slight gastric flu earlier today and felt really bad. So bad that boss took time out to send me to the carpark and then he went back to the office, coz the secretary could not get me a cab to bring me to the carpark for more than 25 min coz of the rain. So yeah I feel better now, after some rest.

boss and I lost an application in Court earlier today. Big hearing on Fri. Wish me luck.

So tired

2011-01-26T08:23:00.002+08:00

I could literally walk to work with eyes closed.

one month since Boxing day.

One month to 6 years' wedding anniversary and koh samui trip.

one more week to CNY eve!

Last full working week before the rabbit year starts

2011-01-24T08:46:00.002+08:00

But I am not counting down. because there's so much going on in between from now to 2 February.

I had a good weekend. It was extremely hectic. But fun. The kids had alot of fun. I packed in so many activiites in the two days, I was barely in the house, save for yesterday afternoon when I took a nap coz Josh needed a nap.

We went to the Night Safari on Sat night and you cannot imagine how thrilled Josh was. And then he asked when are we going to the Singapore zoo. He ran all around the Night Safari (i am so happy he's over the wanting to be carried phase).

Josh cannot wait to go to Mont Kiara next week. He has been asking about it for weeks. Me too.

This CNY, I took alot of effort to buy new clothes for everyone (maid, the hubby, the kids), even new PJs for the kids, new bedsheets for ourselves, and even bought some CNY decor for the house, just because I hope that by having a good start to the year, my luck for this year will change for the better. I am also carrying the 5 leaf clover key chain around with me, which boss got me for my birthday, hopefully, as a lucky charm. Emma was very amused by the CNY decor in the house and started counting the number of rabbits. Heh.

I miss the kids alot today.

Bits and pieces

2011-01-20T22:57:00.006+08:00

I am supposed to sleep but just a short post.

Received Josh's school picture. So so cute lor.

The kids called themselves captain Josh and captain meimei.

I should really go to bed. It's been a long day and will be another long day tomorow. I can't back out of my promise to Josh on the Night Safari trip now coz he keeps asking when we are going to the Night Safari every single day for the past week.

I am supposed to go to bed. But as I am typing now, I am still drinking a Hoeggarden and watching some scary show "the Univited".

Sleeplessness

2011-01-20T00:17:00.002+08:00

Theoretically it's already 1217am and so it's already Thursday. Despite the fact that I am going to have a loooooong day later, with meetngs all the way up till 6pm and more, and despite the fact that I have to wake up at 6am later, I just can't seem to get to sleep. And hence, the blogging and the uploading of picture (finally!) on Facebook.

I am so gona pay for the lack of sleep tomorrow.

Two weeks to CNY

2011-01-19T08:54:00.002+08:00

Yippee!

Enuff said.

Two night ago, I went to pick JOsh up from the nanny's. On my way home, I called the nanny to bring Josh down to the carpark and wait for me. 5 minutes later, upon arrival, Josh asked 'mummy, how come you took so long to come here? I was so cold standing here and waiting for you!'

So cute.

The kids have been fighting over my ipad every single night. I know Josh has been craning his neck for my Ipad every single night. He has had to wait the entire day, only to play for 15 minutes before bedtime. Emma stubbornly refuses to let the kor kor play the frog game and insists on holding on to the Ipad. It was so bad last night that we had to separate the kids. So Emma and the hubby were reading in the bedroom whilst Josh and I hid in the other bedroom playing with the Ipad. Haha.

really rather busy

2011-01-18T08:46:00.001+08:00

Haven't blogged for almost a week. Realized havent been uploading much pictures as well. KL pics not even uploaded.

It's really rather tiring recently.

STILL trying to maintain a positive outlook.

I had a brilliant birthday celebration over the weekend with the kids and the hubby in Batam. Seeing the kids (especially Josh) so so happy makes me oh so happy.

Huh? Only mid week

2011-01-12T08:36:00.003+08:00

I woke up surprisingly tired this morning. Maybe coz I slept at 1am two nights ago, and slept at midnight last night, which is late by my standards. Fell into deep deep sleep whilst daddy drove me to work.

I thought it was Thursday and as I was brushing my teeth, it occcured to me that oh, Friday's nothing to look forward to coz I got a mega hearing on Friday and then I realized that it's on Wednesday.

At least the hubby is back home now. The kids have been asking after him.

Josh wet the bed for two nights. Sighz. He pees about twice in the night. There's just so much water in him. My chubby little boy. Usually once at midnight and then another at 5am. But last time, he peed early, at 430am. Oh well. It's like caring for a newborn baby, wake up 3 hourly....to bring him to pee.

Made plans to go on a Batam trip this weekend for my birthday. Hope the weather stays good in Batam. Singapore's weather has been very cold recently and dreary.

Positive outlook, positive outlook, positive outlook....a constant reminder to myself.

A lot of exciting events planned for our lil family of 4 in the coming months.

First weekend of the 2010

2011-01-10T08:33:00.003+08:00

I miss the hubby, who is away on a work trip until tomorrow night. I know. Sounds pathetic but I am not used to not having the hubby around. I feel empty, although thankfully having two kids around meant that I was kept busy during the day and didnt' have too much time to think about the hubby. The bed seemed too big. And I kept waking up every hour. I wanted to wake Josh up and get him to sleep in the bed with me but I know I shouldn't, so I didn't. The hubby and I spoke on the phone for quite a bit last night and it reminded me of UK times.

The hubby and I are planning for a short trip to Bali in Feb, in celebration of our wedding annivesary and coz all his miles accumulated from the Vegas trip and Africa trip are expiring next month. I am rather excited. Have been scouting around for villa accomodations. It's been a long time since we had a holiday trip of our own. The last one was in November 2008, when I was pregnant with Emma.

I had a good weekend with the kids. Ran quite some errands on Sat, and brought the kids out for cycling on Saturday evening and playtime at KidzExplorer on Sunday evening. That place is a total rip off. super expensive, even by my standards. Oh well, but the kids enjoy the place. But we could do with a cheaper place. I spent the better half of my Sunday doing work. As it turned out, Bee was doing the same thing at that time as well, haha.

It's gona be a tough 3 weeks ahead. I don't relish having to bring work home over the weekend but it is something that has to be done for the next 3 weeks, until CNY. But coming into the New Year, I have made a conscious effort of maintaining a positive outlook. It just has to be done and once it is done, I can enjoy the weekend. No big deal. Instead of rushing through the work on Fri evenings or Sat mornings like I used to, I deliberately made an effort to keep Fri evenin/Sat free, have a break, before commencing on the work on Sun morning instead.

It's my birthday this weekend. I had grand plans originally on celebrating my 30th birthday, going on hotel stays, going on trips. But now that the day is really approaching, I don't feel like doing any of those. Just want to have a good meal/drinks with the hubby on Sat and then bring the kids to Night Safari on Sunday (I get free admission!)...just coz Josh looked so damn excited everytime he spotted the Nigh Safari bus. Haha.

Our Favourite things

2011-01-07T07:40:00.003+08:00

Went home and had a quick dinner. And decided to bring both kids out for ice cream @ Haggen Dazz. Both kids were so high, so happy, screaming all the way to the ice cream parlour. Josh kept asking the hubs and I what was our favourite ice cream flavours and Emma was just talking about her 'pink' ice cream (the strawberry one lah). We examined the ice cream menu and I taught Josh all the different ice cream flavours.

Just a one hour trip.

But yet so fulfilling.

but Emma cannot eat any more ice cream lah. She puked again last night.

New mindset.....let's see how long it lasts

2011-01-06T07:54:00.002+08:00

Stress is building up.

Hours are still long.

For the past 3 days, whenever Josh wakes up, he would ask, how come I am going to work again. And last night, he asked me, how come I have so many things to do. I think he meant how come I was so busy all the time.

So I told him that I have to work so that he will have food to eat, and he can go to many places to play. Then he added, so that mummy could buy many toys for him to play, right?

So cute, so endearing, so innocent.

I am trying to keep a zen frame of mind. Work is work only after all. I am hoping to compartmentalize my life better so that I don't get so bogged down and frustrated and bad tempered all the time. I am trying to remind myself to treasure each day I am alive, each day that my family, kids and husband loves me. I am trying to keep a positive outlook, hopefully, the rabbit year ahead will be a better one for me.

But of course, I have to bring work back to do this weekend.

Happy New Year everyone....5 days late

2011-01-05T09:13:00.002+08:00

Haven't blogged for a long time. Didn't feel like blogging.

Heart was too heavy during the hols to blog much.

KL trip was good. Mont Kiara is like a safe haven to me, away from the trials and tribulations of the harsh world outside. Of course, I can't shut myself away forever. But now and then, I need it.

Let's see how the new year goes.

Counting blessings

2010-12-21T08:04:00.002+08:00

am so glad I am not one of those people stuck at the Heathrow Airport.

am so glad that nuthing like that happened during the 3 years I was in England. Tube strikes and protests aside, at least none of my flights home ever got cancelled.

Sorry, Wai Yue (who is presently stuck at Heathrow).

Hope you get to go home soon.

It's Xmas weekend....Finally. 4 working days to go.

2010-12-19T22:29:00.022+08:00

Brought Josh to watch Sammy's Adventures...finally, after having promised him the show more than two week ends ago.

Emma reallly concentrating....

Last music class for the year!

Brought the kids to the bouncy castle at T3!

Emma was abit apprenehsive on the bouncy castle.

But Josh enjoyed it immensely. :)

So there. a weekend gone. Looking to Friday, the start of my Xmas hols. I can't wait. Really.

a lizard fell onto my head today. Really. I consider it as on par as kena-ing bird shit on the head. Really, my luck has to get better.

2nd last weekend of 2010

2010-12-18T22:21:00.008+08:00

Lugged home one whole bunch of stuffs to work on over the weekend. The maid is on leave tomorrow, which leaves me just tonight to rush all the stuffs. It's just madness.

The whole week had been madness. No impromptu shopping trips like last year. I am so busy I can hardly breathe. On Thursday, I went from family court to office and then to high court to fam court and high court again. I owe the regular-chauffeur only lawyers- taxi driver, uncle Juan, $2, who kindly sent me from high court to fam court and to high court again. Oh well, I am sure I will see him again to return him the two bucks.

Brought the kids for Denis's and Siqi's first born first month celebration. Guess we are now at that stage of life where everyone is popping out kids here and there. I am really quite glad I am done with newborns. I am just not cut out for breastfeeding.

Emma and Thomas's kid, Alston.

Emma looking quite pissed off that she has to share her bucket, which by the way, is her Xmas present. Its a hello kitty sand bucket.

Then brought the kids to Centrepoint coz I had to run some errands. We stopped by the bookstore and for some reason, I started browsing through the self help section and came across this book and bought it. I need some guidance and inspiration.

Hope its good and will not dissappoint.

My parents celebrate their 34th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Happy wedding anniversay, mummy and daddy. Hats off to you both. 34 years. Seem like a lifetime to me. Not even 6 years and I find marriage a real challenge. 34 years....on my best days, it seem daunting. On my worst days....almost a virtual impossibility.

It's a cold and windy Sat night. Hope the weather stays cool for tomorrow's run. Nights all peeps. Back to work.

7 more working days

2010-12-15T07:24:00.002+08:00

Today, my parents leave for home.
I can't wait to be in KL next week.
I need time alone to re-evaluate the priorities and goals in my life. I have always pride myself for knowing exactly what I want in my life.
But suddenly, just when I am about to reach 30, I feel lost, confused.

I need time alone.
I need time with the kids.
I need time to live simply, away from the demands of work and any other complicating factors.

And so a chapter closes

2010-12-13T08:30:00.002+08:00

as I put away my TIffany's diary for 2010 and open my new Tiffany' s diary for 2011.

I hope the coming year will be less painful and less traumatic.

Really running low on battery

2010-12-13T07:11:00.001+08:00

the days all seem to roll into one.

Hang in there, Steph. You can do it.

Doesnt feel like a Friday

2010-12-10T08:09:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was one of those lousy, long, pissed off, frustrated days at work.

But I still felt okay, when I reached home, although I was really running low on battery. Good to come home to home cooked food, noisy kids etc.

Then the phone calls started coming. 2 during dinner, which I hung up on.

Then 2 came when I was putting Josh to bed. I cut off the first one. it was dear boss. Then the second one came. I was STILL putting Josh to bed. So I picked up and talked while Josh sat there patiently for me. Then the 3rd one came. From boss again. When I still putting Josh to bed.
I flipped.

Couldn't it wait till tomorrow?

Wish I were there..

2010-12-08T22:36:00.006+08:00

Whilst I was painfully stuck in Court doing painful hearing for a painful client, the hubs took the day off and brought Josh to Plaza Sing to watch Sesame Street Live. From the pictures he took earlier today, I guess Josh really enjoyed himself. :)

Josh on the bus ride. =) He looks so happy here.

I don't know how the hubs managed to persuade Josh to try out the obstacle courses but he did. And I am extremely proud of Josh.

My lil boy has grown up. I thought I know all about him but he never fails to amaze and surprise me constantly with his abilities and confidence.

Daddy says that COE for cars above 1,600 cc have gone up to $60,000.00. Don't need to buy car already. There goes my bd pressie to myself :(

Oh dear

2010-12-08T07:44:00.000+08:00

I was stuck in Court from 2pm to 6pm yesterday. The way I am taking my hearing dates for January 2011, especially in the 2nd and 3rd wk of January, I think I can just about kill myself over it.

The calendar for January 2011 is becoming so full of highlights and markings it's beginning to look really pretty.

And right in the midst of the markings, a small note that my 30th birthday is on 16th Jan.

Don't need to celebrate birthday already. From the looks of things.

I like

2010-12-07T08:16:00.001+08:00

having dinner alone with mummy and having a heart to heart chat.

Even if the kids are screaming in the background and are fighting to sit on the one and only purple chair we have in the house.

7 Dec! 17 days to go. 13 more working days to go.

Northern England

2010-12-06T07:19:00.000+08:00

So nice if we could live in a place like this.

And to continue the post last night.

2010-12-06T06:58:00.002+08:00

The weekend was a flurry of activities but I feel extremely fulfilled and happy coz spent alot of time with the kids. I did my runs, we did our xmas shopping ( i bought more new shorts for Josh coz he absotluely could not fit into the old ones), I did my hair, attended a parent teacher meeting at Yamaha, we attended Bb Claire's first month celebration party, I caught up with my best JC girl friends, I brought the kids to the library and we got scolded by the librarian. In fact, the weekend was so busy I didn't even take my afternoon naps. It was just a nice weekend.

Josh was the sweetest boy for most of yesterday. Especially when Emma was crying and he tried to sooth her by throwing all his toys towards her, in an effort to entertain her.

Emma was fussy at the in law's dinner last night. Kept crying and crying. So I had no choice but to leave the dinner halfway through and send her home. I asked if JOsh wanted to come with me. I thought he would, coz he's always been very sticky to me. It broke my heart a little when he said he would stay with daddy. I should be happy but at that point of time, I felt my little boy was all grown up already.

I wana be home early to see the kids tonight. Miss them so much. I counted this morning. 14 more working days to go. There's much to look forward to for the next two remaining weekends in Singapore:-

1. Aunt alice and the kids coming to visit this coming weekend (although I will be working...)

2. Dennis's bb's first month celebration the following weekend

2011 is approaching. I really should start doing my research on the reading class I intend to enrol Josh into...

Just wish for the next 3 weeks to go by swiftly and painlessly...

And then it's the last month of the year.

2010-12-05T22:15:00.005+08:00

Time is going by too fast for my liking...even though I am keen to have the year written off quickly and start afresh in the New Year. But still, it's the festive period and I wana enjoy a little. Take things a little slower. But this is not to be the case. It's already 5th day of Dec and only a mere 20 days away to Xmas.

I am more or less done with my Xmas shopping for pressies...in a span of about two weeks. Still missing some pressies but oh well, guess some people will just have to do without it.

I have been so busy recently I haven't been blogging very regularly. The hubs bought an Ipad for my for my Xmas pressie and I have to say...it's really rather fun. My kids are Ipad addicts now....with two ipads in the family, each kid seated on dad's lap and the hub's lap, watching cartoons and playing the latest games on their respective ipads with earnest concentration.

We visited Zhen's baby claire earlier today. One more mummy to the addition. One more playmate for Josh and Emma. As I held Baby Claire in my arms, I can't but think thank god the days of caring for a newborn baby, breastfeeding, night feeding, regular diaper changing, burping the baby, are over. Despite having gone through it twice, I have to say I am not cut out to be a mum. Babies still scare me. And I am glad my own have grown up and can verbalise their thoughts....at least they try to.

So there. A short post.

I need strength to face the week ahead. Or rather, the next 3 weeks before I head off for my holiday.

Hi all

2010-11-30T08:16:00.002+08:00

Haven't been blogging much these days. Partly coz I am so so so tired these days.

Worked on Sat, went to bed at 930pm. Then squeezed all the activities into Sunday. My run, marina barrage, music class, ice cream, supermarket shopping.

I had a traumatic day at work yesterday. Seemed like these traumatic days are increasing in frequency. I was feeling very emotional and beaten by the time I got home.

I felt like I entered a safe harbour when I reached home. The kids and I had grapes at the dinner table. Watching the two kids sitting at the dinner table, shaking their legs, watching Bolt on TV, watching Josh feed Emma grapes, watching Emma call for 'Kor kor' coz she wanted to show him how a butterfly flies, watching Josh tell Emma to 'wait a while' coz he wanted to finish watching the cartoon first, watching Emma call for 'kor kor ' again, this time to tell him that her chair is purple. Amazingly, they didn't fight last night.

I read abit of the daily mail this morning. Saw pictures of the steam train in northern england and wondered how my life would be if I hadn't taken on the corporate route and be part of the rat race...that my life perhaps at this juncture, would comprise of bringing the kids to school, cooking nutritious meals for them, clearing the snow at the doorstep....instead of typing away at my computer, day after day, getting abused by the various people around me day after day. Oh well, grass is always greener on the other side. It seems a possibility for an alternate lifestyle seems more and more remote as the days go by, especially with Josh going to primary school in 3 years' time. Not possible for any uprooting anymore. It changes the status quo too drastically.

heart pain

2010-11-24T08:30:00.001+08:00

When I left for work this morning, Josh cried.

=(

Finally....some pics from the past few wkends uploaded.

2010-11-23T21:52:00.031+08:00

Trip to Changi T3
Xmas decors are up!

The kids fighting over the seats in the train....so many empty seats...they must fight over the same seat..

Finally Emma's hair is long enuff to be tied up!

Josh's concert at school! Emma also turned up to give the kor kor support.

The kids sang "We got the whole world in our hands"

All the proud parents taking videos of the children.

So so so proud of my son.;)

Xmas decors along Orchard Road

Time to countdown:

1. Exactly one month to the KL holiday.

2. One month and one day to Xmas day.

I survived the brutal day today. 3 more days to go before the weekend.

lose-lose situation

2010-11-23T07:25:00.002+08:00

I have been so busy and tired I haven't had the energy and time to upload any pictures for the past two weeks...not even the pics of the Xmas lights we took at Orchard Rd over the weekend. I was so tired I fell asleep whilst patting Josh to bed.

Everyone wants their things done ASAP. It's like a phrase so loosely used.

I tried getting Josh to practise the piano yesterday and two people hated me. Emma and Josh. Emma wanted to play at the piano but she caused so much disruption I told the hubs to bring her into the room. She spent about 15 minutes crying. Then through the 15 min practice, Josh told me 3 times he does not like me. I still made him sit through the 15 min practice and he did practise. But he sulked and whinged so much I wonder what I was doing. I never tried practising with him but now that he is in the junior music class, he needs to practise. Otherwise, he will not be able to keep up during class. Maybe its the timing. Maybe the last thing he wants to do with me, when he waited for me the whole day, is to practise the piano. But there isn't any other time to do it because I am fucking at work the entire day.

What did I do wrong?!

PS: I didn't even had the time to blog about Josh's concert (and his pics are similarly not uploaded yet). But I wrote a note to the teachers yesterday in the Comm book and thanked them for helping Josh build his self confidence. From being one of the shyest boy who cried whilst in school everyday for two whole years, he stood in the front row, and sang in front of a bunch of strangers (us and all the parents). I could see he was still scared but he did it. I was so so so proud of him.

And it's Monday again

2010-11-15T07:34:00.003+08:00

First thing I saw. The Huge Xmas tree is up at the foyer of UOB Plaza. The festive season is approaching, although I haven't felt much of it, partially coz I have been avoiding the shopping centres recently.

Thankfully there's a mid week break this week...which makes this morning abit better. Although I look at my loooming deadlines and it appears that for the next few weekends, I will be bringing work home. Thankfully my parents are here to help take care of the kids.

I more than made up to the kids for my lack of presence the weekend before by spending almost every single minute with them this weekend. The entire weekend was just packed with activities for the kids. It rained most of yesterday (thankfully only after my run), and we brought the kids to the airport and to polliwogs. It was tiring. But I felt very fulfilled and happy.

Could not upload the pics coz the stupid labtop at home is down. Or rather it can't connect to the internet. So sucky. Everything seems to be breaking down at home.

The maid has been with us for a year exactly today. Time flies. Recalled the grief and anxiety I had when my previous maid abandoned us and jumped ship. Now the next question...I wonder if she will continue staying after her contract ends...

Really not too many weeks left to to the end of the year.

A newborn, A scoop of ice cream and a bottle of cold Hoegarden....that sums up my Saturday.

2010-11-13T22:30:00.017+08:00

Started off the day visiting Zhen's baby Claire...

Then it was off to Haggen Dazz @ Siglap!

Relaxing by Coastes Sentosa.

I feel rested and happy today!!!

Sheer stupidity or what

2010-11-11T07:01:00.003+08:00

Less than 10 hours later, I am back in the shit hole. I am so tired, despite sleeping at 11pm last night. Eyes puffy and all. I have been sleeping at ridiculously early hours the past few nights....945pm on Mon night, 10pm on Tuesday, 11pm yesterday. It's like all the energy is zapped outa me. I fell asleep patting Josh to bed.

Someone sacarstically commented that no one is putting a gun to my head on this and I have a choice.

I say. Screw you.

I really really really really want to go home early tonight.

When is the right time to give up?

2010-11-10T06:57:00.002+08:00

For someone who's going away again at the end of the year back to KL, for someone who's gearing up for the year end, I am feeling extremely tired, depressed and down.

When is the right time to say enough is enough?

I felt like 2010 was just totally wasted.

I achieved nothing. AT ALL.

Zhen just gave birth to Baby Claire yesterday morning. Haven't had the time to visit her yet. I can only imagine how happy she felt...with a new adition to the family. When was the last time I had felt so much hope and faith in life?

Its November

2010-11-01T09:01:00.002+08:00

It's the time of the year when the festive season is kicking in. Shopping centres are starting to play Xmas songs. Orchard Road has started putting up the Xmas decors. The tree at Taka is being constructed again.

8 weeks to the end of the year. 7 weeks to my planned trip to KL. I should really start buying the tickets for the bus trip soon. Probably do it after my Bali trip.

I stayed up till 1am to watch TV last night. Bad i know. Coz I feel like a zombie this morning.

The thing that makes my Monday blues worse: having my secy calling me first thing in the morning and telling me she's on mc. I know its unfair. But i need her.

I want to do a mani/pedi before this weekend. But I have no time.

Happy Hallowean everyone.

2010-10-31T23:40:00.004+08:00

Emma had the fever so we didn't do much over the weekend. She was angry at everyone for most of yesterday and kept shouting 'No! No!' at everyone who came near her and it was only after her afternoon nap today that she felt alot better.

Anyway, I was actually feeling lazy this morning and didn't feel like bringing Josh to music class but I am glad I did in the end coz he was a really really gd boy at class today. He sang all the songs and even went to the front of the class on his own, without me having to accompany him. Such a good boy.

Sun evening dinner at Carl's junior at East Coast Big Splash. The kor kor and the mei mei sharing a bottle of apple juice. Finally, a smile from Emma.

The dog and the mouse

I had a restful weekend with the kids. I am still not ready to face work tomorrow morning, especially after the traumatizing day I had on Friday. But I know I have to.

At least there's some good news. My parents are coming out this week.

It's the last day of OCt. Happy Hallowean everyone. Two more months to the end of the year. 2010 has not been very good for me. Just hope to write off the rest of the year, and have a fresh start in 2011.

Glad the painful week has come to an end.

2010-10-29T20:30:00.006+08:00

This week has been so painful I don't even want to talk about it. This morning was worse. I could not take it anymore and knocked off at 530pm sharp. I needed a break. Save for last night, I hardly saw the kids this week.

I am so proud of the little achievements Josh has made this year in school. This is the art piece he brought home on Wednesday night, after his excursion to East Coast Park with the school. I don't know what are the lumpy coloured bits but to me, that's the best art piece in the world.

Emma and her chocolate mini cornetto. The kids have been eating once ice cream per day.

Certificate issued by the Cookie Monzter.

Josh and his cupcake. So cute!!!!!!

It's Friday night and I am home alone with the kids. I haven't had dinner with the hubby for two nights already. We were supposed to have a Fri night date. But he suddenly has this work dinner thing he has to go, which he cannot get out of. Frankly speaking, I am angry. I had one of the lousiest day at work, one that made me cry after my hearing, one that culminated in me being scolded by boss who subsequently probably felt bad about scolding me and then comforted me and gave me encouragement. But it was one of those days when I needed my hubby the most and I made it clear. But clearly, his priorities were abit different. I know it's unfair on the hubby. But these days don't happen very often. I don't think I am asking too much. Am I? Anyway, I am just glad the day has ended. I just don't feel like being very magnanimous towards anybody. For just one day, i just want it to be about me.

So anyway, I didn't feel like shopping, didn't feel like doing my nails (which is really rather odd). Instead, I came home and ran and felt a million times better. Funny how the thing that makes me feel good is when I am alone.

Emma has the fever again. Probably due to the teething. Poor baby. Well, at least it's the weekend and I can take care of her.

Mid week already.....too slow for my liking

2010-10-27T09:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was an odd day.

It started off badly. But after lunch, it was better. I managed to sort out my renunciation issue for the time being. And I had a good lunch.

I tried to go home early yesterday and managed to finish dinner by 8pm. Despite the fact that both kids did not take a nap, I still took them out to Sheng Shiong. Both the kids were in a good mood.....until Emma started screaming for milk once we were in the car. And then Josh started bawling when we put Emma in the trollyer but told him that he could not sit in the trolley because he was already too heavy for the seat, which only allowed a maximum weight of 15 kg. So that started his crying....and he cried all the way....through the supermarket trip....through the trip home...through his teeth brushing...until he finally went to bed at 9pm. Emma was fine during the trip, except everytime we are in the car, she would scream for her milk. So there, our shortest supermarketing trip so far. 40 minutes in total.

Oh well. I tried my best.

Please let the day get better

2010-10-26T11:39:00.002+08:00

It's been a lousy morning. So far. One of those that make me regret being a lawyer.

Nothing has been going smoothly.

I have just taken a hearing date on 21 Dec and am adamant that this would be the FINAL substantive hearing I will do before the end of the year. Any other hearings will have to be done in the brand new year of 2011. Sorry about that.

The Malaysia High Comm called me this morning to tell me they screwed my application up. Now I have to go and sort out the mess.

Tamade.

Tuesday blues

2010-10-26T08:04:00.003+08:00

It rained heavily last night....so this morning was a really chilly one. Wet and cold. That's how this morning was.

I feel slightly out of sorts this morning. Josh and Emma didn't nap in the afternoon yesterday. Whilst Emma was fine, Josh was very cranky. I went home at 8pm, and for some reason, he was so angry at me. He didn't want me to hug him, kiss him, and he kept hitting me, like he hated me. Then he kept crying and crying through the dinner. No matter how much I comforted him, he kept crying.

I wanted to spend more time with Emma, but I could not, because I had to put JOsh to bed early and so she had to get out of the room. For some reason, after I changed Josh into his PJs and got him ready for bed, his mood miraculously improved and he even took his school bag and showed me what he did at school for the day. Then I tried putting him to sleep quickly but he kept talking and so i snapped at him and say if he doesn't sleep within the next 5 minutes, I am going out to play with Emma. I felt bad for saying things like that. But at times like these, I felt extremely torn between the two kids. I wanted to spend time with Emma but I could not. But yet, I think Josh was acting the way he was because he missed me and coz he was vying for my attention.

So anyway, Josh finally slept at 930pm. I was hoping Emma was still awake by then but she was already asleep, holding the milk bottle in her hand.

The hubby suggested that maybe we can leave Emma at home for her sleep longer and have the nanny come over and pick Emma up when she wakes up. This way, we need not ruse her from her deep slumber at 630am every morning. But I said no. For some reason (selfish as it may be), I wanted to carry Emma to the nanny's myself coz this short trip is the only time I am able to spend some alone time with her. I can't have that small window of time taken away from me and Emma.

So yeah, that kinda accounts for what I am feeling today, out of sorts.

I hope to be able knock off early tonight (It's so pissing off that everytime my parents go back, I work late) and hope to make a quick trip to ShengShiong with the kids to stock up some snacks at home. (Emma ate a chocolate ice cream last night and Josh bawled when he realized there was no more magnum for him)

Rainy rainy morning

2010-10-25T07:34:00.003+08:00

I knew I was going to pay for it this morning when I chose to sleep at 1am last night. As usual, I could not bear for the weekend to end. So I read my book, watched abit of Gossip Girl, just refused to sleep until it was way past midnight.

Josh was still fast asleep this morning. I hope he isn't going to cry when he wakes up and finds us gone already. I hate to dissappoint him like that but I do not have the heart to wake up up when he is in such deep slumber.

And the last thing I need this morning, is torrential downpour on my way to work, making my already blue monday even greyer and darker.

PS: I am amazed I am still suffering from withdrawal symptoms from the disney trip, even though we have been back for a week. But last night, as I looked through the photos for disney again, I could not help wishing I was back, those few precious days when I took care of Josh 24/7, scolded him loads but hugged him loads as well. it was a real special time for us.

PPS: My parents went back on Sat. I was fine over the weekend. Maybe its the rain. Maybe its Monday. I am missing them alot.

two months to xmas??!!!!

2010-10-24T23:01:00.012+08:00

The weekend, as usual, was fantastic.

I knocked off early on Fri afternoon. Went home for a run, and then brought Josh along to pick the hubby up from the MRT station. On the way, we pumped petrol, I bought him a chicken pie from Polar, and then we walked around the Pasar Malam hand in hand, drinking bird's nest drink whilst waiting for the hubby. I really enjoy these alone times with Josh and no one would believe that I find Josh most well behaved when it's just the two of us alone. I wish I am able to do the same with Emma but somehow I don't because 1) she's no longer v. close to me. and 2) if the kor kor is around, there's no way he will allow me to bring Emma out without him.

The hubby and I caught a late night movie on Fri night, "The Town" which was really one of the better movies I have watched recently.

Polliwogs on Sat evening, dinner with KM on Sat night.

This morning, I decided I have had enuff of the kids being in front of the TV, so after my run, I brought the kids out to East Coast beach. The weather in the morning was fantastic. Slightly breezy and cool and sunny. I brought my newspapers along. We had breakfast at Macs and Emma and Josh shared a hashbrown, a packet of fresh milk and orange juice between themselves. We then sat under a tree whilst the children played with sand. Emma took my hand and walked a long distance along the beach until she was all sweaty. Everytime she sees a dog, she promptly switches direction and follows the dog. It was nice, having breakfast at Macs, reading the newspapers. The last time I did that, Josh was still a baby and he slept in the stroller whilst the hubby and I read newspapers and ate breakfast. The hubby didn't join us this time, coz he slept at 5am and could not wake up. BUt the kids had a great time nonetheless. 3 hours at the beach just flew by like that.

Josh and I also had a v. good time at music class today. I managed to convince him to join the rest of the kids in front of the class, although I had to be with him. But the slight improvement, the fact that he was receptive to what I said, was a huge step forward for him and I was extremely proud of him. He learnt do-re-do on the keyboards today.

I had wanted to bring the kids to the beach pub at sentosa for dinner this evening but coz josh slept late and by the time he woke up it was almost 6pm, we didn't. so we joined the in laws for dinner instead at the Turf Club. That wasn't really my ideal way of spending my Sunday evening, but it has to be done, coz we haven't seen the in laws for a while, what with us having that hotel stay and being away in Tokyo and all. I guess we can always save sentosa for next Saturday.

See how the 4 of them have grown....

Josh and Lervin (8 months old), at the same restaurant (June 2007)

Then it was 4 of them. February 2010

October 2010. The only thing that hasn't changed: Josh's chubby cheeks.

Love Emma's boots from Collette (or however you spell that). Their shoes are just totally lovely.

Emma, all tired out from the weekend activities.

Tomorrow's 25th Oct. It's exactly 2 months to Xmas. I can't believe it. The end of the year is approaching again. This year went by so fast it's scary like hell.

It's only the 3rd day back at work?

2010-10-20T07:06:00.003+08:00

Time seem to be passing so slowly. But thankfully, I slept at 1030pm last night and managed to get a good night's rest. Although Josh wet his bed. AGAIN!!!!!! He was so gd in Tokyo (I only used 3 of the 15 diapers whilst we were there and it's for his poop) but he's back to wetting his bed!!!!
I wana plan something for the kids this weekend, bring them to somewhere special and interesting, but I don't know where.

Back to reality

2010-10-19T07:06:00.003+08:00

We are back from Disney-la-la-land.

It's amazing how the 5 wonderful days have passed. Disneyland is really happy-land and it makes me feel really detached from reality. Glad to say that Josh really enjoyed the trip (although he got scolded alot as well). By end of the 3rd day at Disneysea, he was realy getting into the groove of things and would dictate which rides he wanted to sit on. That night, he made me go on all the rides he wanted to sit for a second time, within a span of 1.5 hours, just before the park closed.

And coz it was the holidays, Josh was given permission to stay up till 11/1130pm everynight (coz we played till the park closes every night), he would have his supper every night, late night, at 10ish. Save for a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, the entire day was spent at the parks. Josh enjoyed the roller coasters (the kiddy one), and we made him go on the coal mine roller coaster (although that scared him quite abit and he said he didn't wana go on that ride anymore). He was so happy he would sing 'It's a small world" to himself every now and then. It was truly a memorable holiday for the 3 of us (200+ pictures taken over 5 days. It's all on Facebook. I can't be bothered to upload it here). Would hope to bring Emma along sometime in the future.

So it's back to reality. Yesterday was horrible and I wore my 'everybody fuck off my face' spectacles the entire day. But evening was good. I went home relatively early and managed to spend alot of time with Emma. Really missed her, tho' I think she doesn't miss me as much.

Nothing really to look forward to next, except perhaps the next public holiday, which is in about a month's time.

First up, black wednesday next week. I look at my diary next week and I want to cry.

Anniversary weekend

2010-10-10T23:07:00.009+08:00

We had a wonderful weekend.

We went to watch " The Other guys" on Fri night (as usual, I concussed through about 1/4 of the show). On Sat, the hubby and I checked into Conrad for a complimentary stay. And we left the kids (both of them) with my parents.
I had a wonderful weekend. It was a lazy, slow weekend, just the type I need right now. It's been quite some time since the hubby and I took some time off to ourselves. I mean, like really a weekend to ourselves, not just the movie. The last time we did something like this was in Nov 2008 to the Philippines. And Emma wasn't even born yet. We went to watch the International Ballet Gala and I was truly awed having watched Julie Kent perform in person. It was like a dream come true. It's too bad she didn't perform Le Corsaire. I ate loads this weekend. Just ate and ate. And slept and slept. And watched loads of TV. The best of last night? The slow walk from the Esplanade back to our hotel.

View from the room

10 years together.That's about 1/3 of our lives together.

And then, after the hotel stay, we collected Josh's birthday cake and celebrated his birthday. It was an odd celebration. He was fine....and then suddenly, when we sang the birthday song, he cried and cried and insisted on us singing to Emma instead. He just hated us singing to him. I wonder why. I wonder if there are other kids who act like that. He was just so so angry. I didn't make a fuss. Coz I didn't want to put any pressure on him. But I was dissappointed, to be honest. All I wanted was for him to enjoy his cake and be happy (which he did, two hours after. When he finally got over his anger). We even let him choose his birthday cake himself this time. He was so happy putting the candles on his cake and the "Happy Birthday" sign but the mood changed suddenly. Is it normal for kids his age to be so angry? Was it something he inherited from me? The bad temper, I mean.
Oh well, maybe we shouldn't do this anymore for him. It kinda defeats the purpose when he gets so upset (although I wonder why).

Anyway, here's a picture of the cake.

Emma was watching the Korkor place candles on the cake so intently. Note the frown.

Blurred picture: That's when we started singing and then Josh started crying. Emma's still clapping her hands.

In the end, coz the Korkor was so angry...Emma had to cut the cake for him. Heh.

Darling Josh, just want to say I love you very very very very much. You will be 4 in another 3 days, by which we will be in Tokyo already. 4 years ago, you were born at 1013am in the morning, all skinny 2.4kg of you. you were so so small and everytime you wanted to feed, or you pooped, or you moved, I was so scared, so stressed, because I didn't know what to do with you. It's been 4 years then and the journey has been so amazing. I have never thought I could love someone so so much. Loving you always darling. However, now that you are turning 4, you really have to learn to shit in the toilet bowl beacuse the XXXL pull up pants are really really expensive for you to shit in. Oh, will you be eating rice this year???

Love you so much.

One more day

2010-10-08T07:51:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was one of those days where i really hate my job and I hate myself for choosing to be a lawyer.

After a good night's rest, I am feeling a 10000 times better.

Just need to get through today.